The fashion (or lack of):
What. The actual. F***? It's pretty much a given that if you're walking the red carpet at the BRITs, money isn't really an issue to you. And it wasn't, everyone wore designer, but it just goes to show it's not what you wear, but it's how you wear it. Gemma Arterton wears it like she's a sixty year old going to a disco. Lana Del Rey wears it like she's going to the office, a really, really dull office. Corrine Rae Bailey wears it like she's conforming against irons, and Katherine Jenkins wears it like she feels she looks really high fashion in what she's got on, which just makes it look ten times worse. GREAT JOB, ladies, WELL DONE, you really outshone yourselves. I'm f***ing eighteen years old and could have done a better job if I had gone to Topshop with a £40 budget. I'm not saying this to brag, I'm saying this to exaggerate my whole point.
I really just need to not think about these anymore. If you're thinking "Well what about the people who did dress good?", THEY DIDN'T. Not one. You can argue how beautiful Taylor Swift looked all you want, but it was a long black dress, oh THE ORIGINALITY. Come on people. Aim a little higher.
Muse started off the show. Great. No sarcasm intended, I like a bit of Muse and I think Matt Bellamy has a sexy singing voice. At this point I sat down with some chocolate, rubbing my hands together in anticipation of what exciting things were to come in the next couple of hours. Boy, I didn't know shit. Justin Timberlake? Meh, okay, he's just brought a new song out, understandable why he's on stage, I don't really get the hype but whatever. Oh, Robbie Williams, nah, not for me. One Direction, just to remind us how awesome our generation's music taste is (sarcasm definitely intended this time). Emili Sande? Heard it all before, and then some. Breath taking performance? Nuh-uh. She also mentioned in her thank you speech her loneliness. You're right Emili, it must be really hard, although I'm sure I just saw you hug about six people around your table in celebration. I don't even know six people.
I don't know who Damien Hirst is, and it took me a few weeks to realise that, no Dem, that ginger guy in Homeland isn't designing the award. However he might as well have now, because polka dots aren't exactly, urm, creative, are they? I know it's his 'singature motif' and I can completely see why he used it, but maybe next year we can hand out human size blown up inflatable awards to the winners. That would be fun.
The lack of Rihanna:
The BRITs ain't nothing without Rihanna. Clearly. She was like 90% of the reason I was watching in the first place.
I have absolutely nothing against James Cordon but I like it when presenters aren't so scripted and are a bit silly, take Alan Carr, for example, I think he would have thrown a rude/sarcastic joke in about someone somewhere.
No eff ups:
That's what the BRITs is about, right? The arguing, the showing of bums, the cutting off Adele's speeches, I mean come on, where's the controversy? The chaos?
I never thought I'd say this, but where the f*** is Kanye West when you need him?
The good things about the BRITs 2013:
- Paloma Faith's outfit. She looked very pretty and nice, not show stopping, but nice all the same.
- Dave Grohl.
- Ben Howard's voice.
- Uhhhhhhhh... Nope, that's all I've got.