18 November 2012

I'm a wallflower, and that's okay.


So a bit of a different post from me today.  I've decided to start doing posts every now and again on what I've been reading, as I do really enjoy sitting down and reading a book and getting lost in my own world.  It's such a great form of escapism, I think.

Now I finished this book a couple of months ago, but I wanted to write about it on the blog and have just got round to doing it.  A few months back I didn't even know what a wallflower was.  I'd never heard of it until I'd seen the movie advertised on a poster at my local cinema.  "That looks good" I said to my then boyfriend.  "Do you know what a wallflower is?" he said.  "No, is it an actual world?  I thought it's just something the movie had made up."  "No, it's someone who doesn't really dance at a party and just stands at the side."  "I am a wallflower!" I immediately replied (this is amazing, they have a WORD for these type of people?  And it's such a pretty word!).  "Yeah" he said "you are."

I knew then and there that I had to watch this film.  I very rarely go out/to parties/clubbing etc etc, and when I do I don't drink.  Or dance.  People will try and try and try to get me up and dancing, but it never happens.  I like to watch people.  Not just at parties, but everyday.  On the bus, in town... Anywhere.  I am an avid people-watcher (in a completely un-freaky way, you understand).

I haven't yet watched the film, despite hearing nothing but good reviews, but when I found out there was a book I wanted to read that first, anyway.  I just wanted to associate with someone, I wanted to read the book and be like 'Yeah, that's what I do!" which to be fair I was at a few parts.

It's written from the point of view of Charlie in letter form.  He is the wallflower, so he stands back and watches other people live their lives and grow up, whereas he is afraid to.  He doesn't realise that he does this, but throughout the course of the book he gradually comes out of his shell after meeting two friends, one of whom he actually ends up falling in love with.

For me this book speaks to the sense of alienation that I still experience to this day.  I don't necessarily relate to Charlie as his reason for being the way that he is is explained at the end of the novel, and I can't say I have a reason, and we do discover that he is actually depressed, which I am not.  So although I thought this was a touching and moving story, I didn't get from it the level of satisfaction which I was hoping it would give me.

I get told quite regularly that I am beyond my years, and I'm pretty sure that my mum is convinced that I've 'been here before', as in, in another life.  I've always been quite 'different'. I don't have any friends.  My mum is my best friend (love you mum!) and her, my dad and my brother are pretty much the only people in my life.  I thought that would change once I came to university, you know, since it's meant to be the greatest experience of your life, and time to meet friends who you'll end up knowing forever?  Well, I'm sure it is this for 99% of the girls on my course, but not for me.  I started off well, talking to different people in the induction week, but once it properly started the week after girls had already formed different groups and, surprise surprise, I wasn't in one.  I knew then that that would be it.  That first week was vital, the time to meet your group of friends which you're going to be with for the next four years, thus it was too late for me.  Meaning I still sit in a class today, of about fifty people at least, and end up sitting on my own when it's time for group tasks (a time I'm now starting to hate).  Do people invite me to join their group, even for a couple of minutes to do some work?  Nope, not one.

I'm not like this because I have serious issues, like Charlie has, or because I'm too scared to live my own life.  I'm not even shy, really.  There's just something about me which prevents me from connecting with people, and I can't even put my finger on what it is myself.

People tend to use the word 'wallflower' negatively, I recently heard an actress in an interview say "I love being a bad guy, no one wants to play a wallflower, do they?", "No definitely not" was the response.  But you know what?  I know that it's actually everyone else's loss, because wallflowers are usually some of the most wonderfully interesting people if one would actually try to talk to them.  We see a lot of things and we know a lot about a person without actually knowing them.  Many a time have I watched someone's expression or actions, what they do when they think no one's paying attention.  I don't just look at things.  I see things.  I ask 'why?'.  As the saying goes: "The quietest people have the loudest minds."

Maybe I didn't get exactly what I wanted from this book (it's still a really lovely story), but it has taught me that there's other people out there, other introverts, we have a title, and for now, that's enough.
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13 comments:

  1. I cannot express my love for this book, it's one of my all time favourites! x
    fiveonecouture.blogspot.co.uk

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  2. Lovely post xx

    polkadoteye.blogspot.co.uk

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  3. I really want to read this book! Looks like a good read
    x

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  4. <3 great review! this book was amazing, I can't believe I still haven't seen the movie yet -.-

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    1. I know me neither! I wanted to see it but it wasn't showing at my local movies, waaah! Will definitely be getting the DVD when it's released though!

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  5. I love this post. I know exactly where you're coming from - other people seem to just fall into friendships and you're just left looking around like 'whaa? how did THAT happen?' but you're right, I definitely don't think it's a negative anymore.

    Elise.

    http://www.letterfromelise.blogspot.com

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    1. Yes exactly! Thank you for your comment, I'm glad you understand.

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  6. I cried so much at this book. We read it for book club and I finished it in under 4 days. I loved it so much I read it on my iPad and had to buy a hard copy afterward. My mother on the other hand hated it!! *i can't see how*!

    We're now reading 'song of Achilles' - interesting and maybe worth a go if you're looking for something new :)

    http://this-littlebird.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. I finished it quickly too! I think it would move a lot of people but obviously mustn't be for your mum!

      And thank you for the recommendation! I am ALWAYS looking for new books to read, whatever genre, so will definitely check that one out.

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  7. Lovely review, Going to ask for the book to be in my Christmas stocking!
    http://thegirltheblogandthewardrobe.blogspot.co.uk/
    Xx

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  8. Great post, and I'm a wallflower-esque person too. I started uni (and then dropped out) and while one of my flatmates gelled with the people in the flats next door and below, and the other had her best friend at the uni too, I ended up being the one who just got the mick taken for an entire week by them, in my attempt to make friends.

    Yay for wallflowers - they really can be the most interesting but unnoticed people about x

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    1. They certainly are! That's a sad story, and you're a million times better than those people. Thank you for your comment and sharing that, I really appreciate it!

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  9. Even in my own group of friends, I'm often laughed AT instead of laughed with. I get a lot of strange looks from other people. Boys in my college are intimidated by me because I don't need to be exuberant or flirty to be 'noticed' like many girls my age. I think of myself as one of a kind and in my own world a lot of the time. I'm definitely growing tired of being misinterpreted by shallow-minded people in my life but I think people who see more things in the world can live a more interesting life. I can relate to a lot of the things you say x

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